By at 8:39 AM Wednesday, April 4th 2012


Signs Your Band Sucks

#Shenanigans, Lists


We kicked off a little hashtag free-for-all on Twitter yesterday with #SignsYourBandSucks, which our readers then took and ran with. We’re still laughing, so we thought we’d share some of the best selections with you.

If you’ve got any better ones, let ‘em rip in the comments section.


Meanwhile, On The Internet...

  1. Mark my words, this won’t be the last time Jakob Ross appears on Antiquiet. Perhaps the smartest 14 year old on the planet.

    • Devin says:

      i actually know him, he is a very smart kid. no doubt about it, you know hes going to be doing stuff with his life…

  2. stu says:

    A caveat, Gary Clark Jr. is dubiously opening for Dave Matthews Band this summer. Which of course brings about two questions, is he so good that its worth sitting through an entire Dave Matthews show, and what are the odds Dave just covers All Along the Watchtower the whole time (cause they do truly kill that song)

  3. Ryan M. says:

    I just got this in my email, a job offer to shoot a music video. I could take any of these sentences and hash tag em #signsyourbandsucks : “They are a hip hop/pop group and are 10 and 11 years old….I’m looking for a creative minded individual to help with producing a couple of low cost music videos to shop to some major labels. There’s already a buzz with a couple of labels in particular that’s heard some rough versions of our songs. As you know the visual aspect is of great importance!..”

  4. Cam says:

    You’re on the main stage at CrueFest and your lead singer has to provoke the audience to chant your band name because they won’t do it on their own.

    And yes, this feat was accomplished by Papa Roach.

  5. Your name sounds heavier than your music ever has. Like how Mastodon isn’t even as heavy as The Sword. That must be a small ass mastodon.

  6. “Your sound is so ‘unique’ that you can’t reproduce it live.” That said (this will sound like a plug and I guess it is), some buddies of mine just interviewed Michael Rother of Neu! / Kraftwerk fame who actually legitimises this somewhat, and discusses seeing Hendrix live and being disappointed that he went nowhere near reproducing his studio sound. It’s a podcast called ‘Special Features’ if anyone’s interested.

  7. blazam says:

    your drummer has wind chimes.

    your bass player has a braided goatee with a bead on it.

    you’re 45 and everyone else in your band is 22.

    your guitar player has fishnet stockings on his arms.

    your band is fronted by billy corgan.

    one of your guitarists is playing a steve vai ibanez “jem”.

    you singer says, “how’s everybody doin’ tonight” between each song.

  8. Ace says:

    - your pants are tighter than your rhythm section

    – your band includes a DJ

    – you cite dubstep and Jesus as major influences on your sound

    – your songs all have titles 12 words too long

    – your lyrics are as cryptic and gibberishy as The Mars Volta but you aren’t in The Mars Volta

    – you play late 90s alt-rock covers in a Jersey bar, but of course you’re “this close” to getting signed

    – your lead singer tells Siri to call him “Rock God”

  9. jsun says:

    A few artists who have opened for Dave Matthews:


    The Roots

    Neil Young

    Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings

    Jurassic 5

    Black Crowes

    Willie Nelson

    Nappy Roots

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