It’s Monday morning, and I shot out of bed like a rocket three hours before sunrise. My grand caffeinated takeaway from scouring the pre-dawn headlines is that the music blogging game is one of feverish competitive masturbation, with headlines reduced to the lowest impact points.
To that end, I’ve filtered out the garbage nonsense and boiled down the hyperbole for today’s relevant stories.
- U2 is playing Bonnaroo, and that shit is weird.
- Following Tool’s Governor’s Ball lead, Nine Inch Nails are returning to the stage after three years, and it’s for a festival that’s completely non-rock in every way. But A Tribe Called Quest is on the bill, and that’s a beautiful thing.
- Oh, how badly I’d kill to hear that Kanye diss track by Hannibal Buress.
- American folk legend Woody Guthrie rented an apartment from Donald Trump’s father in 1950, and despised the racial antagonism and bigotry he witnessed.
- Concert ticket prices are astronomically stupid, and there’s no relief in sight.
- Prince left behind 67 gold bars when he died, part of an estimated $100-$300 million estate value.
- Martin Scorsese has scrapped plans for his Frank Sinatra biopic with Leo DiCaprio starring, because Old Blue Eyes’ family doesn’t want the director’s warts-and-all depiction made public.
- Ozzy OD’d on pills when Sharon has cancer, and ah god this is just a more rock n’ roll Kardashian series.
- A piece of shit is still doing piece of shit things.
- Waste your parents’ money on an Outkast college course. Then graduate, and complain that nobody’s hiring.
- All your predictions were right – the orange fuckface delivered exactly as expected after Meryl Streep’s moving Golden Globes takedown of the president-elect.
- Ed Sheeran, that unfuckable human equivalent of the one squiggly piece of top ramen that escaped the bowl, is dominating global Spotify charts with 23 million streams in 48 hours.
- Antiquiet caught the Gone is Gone record release show on Firday, where the band – featuring members of QOTSA, Mastodon, At The Drive-In and more – played their second show ever with several luminaries in attendance.
- Here’s Bohemiam Rhapsody on a century-old organ.
- BARB IS STILL ALIVE