By at 4:51 PM Tuesday, November 4th 2008

 

How Do I Know If I’m A Hipster?

The Truth

 

You may have noticed, while perusing the interwebs of late, that much is being made of this whole “hipster” fad that is sweeping the nation.

To some, this is a shocking revelation. To others, it’s old news. But for young people on either side of that fence, one glaring question rears it’s stylishly keffiyah’d head: Am I a hipster?

Fact: To a hipster, the actual word “hipster” is as offensive as the “N-word” is to a black person (though like black people, they are allowed to use the word as a reference to one another). This makes it difficult to identify hipsters, as they are about as likely to self-identify as they are to wear a Members Only jacket without the requisite irony that comes along with it. So in order to know whether or not you are a hipster, you must first try and understand what a hipster actually is.


Are any of these guys hipsters? Not if you ask them they’re not. And yet…

In a recent article in AdBusters, Douglas Haddow (who I suspect is himself a closet hipster; he writes on anti-consumerist blog after all. Hipsters love to pretend to hate corporations!) described hipsters as:

“An artificial appropriation of different styles from different eras, the hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture lost in the superficiality of its past and unable to create any new meaning. Not only is it unsustainable, it is suicidal. While previous youth movements have challenged the dysfunction and decadence of their elders, today we have the “hipster” – a youth subculture that mirrors the doomed shallowness of mainstream society.”

Essentially, what Doug is saying is that hipsters are the cancer that is killing “Cool”… That they are cannibals of fashion and culture with no discernible socio-political agenda, and that they are incapable or giving birth to anything new or original. But how did they get this way, and how does this help us to identify them?


Hipster fashion is quite broad, and yet you still know one when you see one.

Haddow goes on to say:

“Hipsterdom is the first “counterculture” to be born under the advertising industry’s microscope, leaving it open to constant manipulation but also forcing its participants to continually shift their interests and affiliations. Less a subculture, the hipster is a consumer group – using their capital to purchase empty authenticity and rebellion. But the moment a trend, band, sound, style or feeling gains too much exposure, it is suddenly looked upon with disdain. Hipsters cannot afford to maintain any cultural loyalties or affiliations for fear they will lose relevance.”

Ok. So basically, a hipster is an agent of the man, an unwitting accomplice of a runaway capitalist system that sells them the very things that they believe make them a part of the “counterculture”, an enemy of the “faceless corporate empires” that are enslaving the rest of humanity (Like Apple, a hipster favorite). This would explain how they are duped into buying Pabst Blue Ribbon and V-neck shirts, longtime symbols of the working class. The working class enjoys these things because a 6-pack of Pabst generally costs around five dollars, and V-neck shirts, the less popular cousin to the crew-neck shirt, are sold in packs of 4 or 5 for around 13-25 dollars. This fact will be used for our first litmus test:

True or False:

“I would pay around 5-7 dollars for a Pabst at a purposefully shitty bar in a trendy neighborhood.”

“I am willing to spend 30-40 dollars for a single V-neck shirt at American Apparel or some more boutiquey (but still identical) shop, especially if it comes in neon.”

If you answered “False” to both of these questions, then congratulations! You are not a hipster. If you answered yes to one or both, I have unfortunate new for you: You might be a hipster.


Your typical hipster female, enjoying free bottom shelf vodka from 10-11PM.

This raises a very important question, and one that we should most definitely explore. Is the whole hipster thing merely a fashion deal and nothing more? The answer is yes and no. I think we can all agree that the fashion staples of the hipster community, tight jeans, neon, V-neck shirts, fedora hats, fake eyeglasses, converse, keffiyahs, ironic mustaches and/or beards and Venetian blind shades are pretty much omnipresent. The strange thing about this is that most people who adopt a “uniform” style of dress in this manner tend to have a unifying force that brings them together to drink, do drugs, listen to music and have sex with each other. For the hipster, this unifying force is not required, as the sex and drugs is a means to it’s own end. Now you might well ask: “How is this different than it was with kids in the 80s?”

If your answer to this question was, “It’s not”, then you are a hipster.

The answer to this is actually quite simple. In the 1980s, kids were rebelling against Reaganomics, the Cold War, corporate rock, the war on drugs, and their hippy-turn-yuppie parents. The hipster has nothing to rebel against. Most hipsters have parents or boyfriends/girlfriends with real jobs or trust funds that are more than willing to pay their rent because they are “artists” (meaning they project weird jpegs that they found online on the wall while a “DJ” plays songs off his MacBook at some warehouse party once a week). They are happy to settle for creating “awareness” or wearing an Obama T-shirt (printed by Shepard Fairey, of course). Their adoption of 80s fashion and drug culture is a result of watching 90210 reruns in college and maybe reading Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero on the crapper.


While this may appear to be a gang of homosexual street toughs, they are actually hipsters that pay $1500 a month to live in this crappy neighborhood.

Take a look at the clothes you are wearing right now. How tight are your pants? Can you fit your hand into your pocket without a great deal of struggle? If not, you may be either a woman or a hipster or both. Are you wearing a scarf in the summer? Do the glasses you are wearing have clear plastic lenses or no lenses at all? Do you even need those glasses to read the latest Chuck Palahniuk novel you’ve got there? Are you reading a Chuck Palahniuk novel? Have you ever stopped to wonder when it stopped being funny and/or gross to have a mustache and show off your chest hair? If you are exhibiting any of the symptoms that I have just described, than you, my friend, are a hipster.

If one were to look past the unmotivated fashion and cultural vacancy of the hipster, there are a few key identifiers that may exist beside the obvious. Lets try a few multiple-choice questions:

Question 1: How often do you have your picture taken?

A.) I dunno, every once in awhile, I guess.
B.) Enough to fill up 20 different albums on MySpace.
C.) Enough to fill up 20 different albums on FaceBook (MySpace is so last year).
D.) Enough that if placed end to end, they would make a stop motion movie of my life that lasts several hours.

Fact: Hipsters like having their picture taken. More like they fucking love it. Award yourself zero hipster points for choosing A, one for B, two for C, and three for D.

OMG we love having our picture taken so fucking much! Wheee!

Question 2: A song by some band no one has ever heard of comes on the radio. Do you:

A.) Give it a listen and decide for yourself whether or not you like it.
B.) Look it up on Pitchfork to see if you are allowed to like it or not.
C.) Turn to your friend and exclaim: “I was really into this band before they got big. They’re so played out now.”
D.) Trick question: You haven’t listened to the radio in years since you got your iPod.

Fact: Your music tastes as a hipster are like an arms race to always be into a band before they become popular so that you can act “over it” when they do. The only exceptions to this rule are Radiohead, Arcade Fire and possibly the Beatles. Award yourself zero hipster points for choosing A, one for B, two for C, and three for D.

Question 3: Complete the following sentence: I am thinking of joining a co-ed _______ team this summer.

A.) Wrestling
B.) Softball
C.) Kickball
D.) Badminton (kickball is so last year)

Fact: Hipsters love playing team sports ironically. It gives them an excuse to drink Pabst Blue Ribbons during the day. If you chose A, you are probably a manbot, not a hipster. Award yourself one hipster point for choosing B, two for C, and three for D.


Dov Charney, hipster Jesus and founder of American Apparel.

Question 4: Who do you think would make the best President?

A.) John McCain
B.) Barack Obama
C.) Steve Jobs
D.) Dov Charney

Fact: If there are three things hipsters cannot live without, it’s Obama, Apple products, and American Apparel, in that order. If you chose John McCain, you are definitely not a hipster in any way, shape or form, as it would go against party lines. Award yourself one hipster point for choosing B, two for C, and three for D.

Question 5: After the party, I am going:

A.) To bed. I have shit to do tomorrow.
B.) To IHOP, where I will ironically eat food that would make a billy goat puke and generally make an ass of myself.
C.) To the after party of course.
D.) To a late night café with Wi-Fi so I can be the first to upload my pictures and blog about it.
 
Fact: The more committed you are to being a hipster, the more being “scene” will outweigh “having gainful employment”. (Special circumstances exist in which advanced hipsters are employed in the creative class as designers, record company talent agents, web journalists and marketers. This does not in any way change the order of priority for the above question.) Award yourself zero hipster points for choosing A, one for B, two for C, and three for D.

Tally up your points!

If you answered mostly A: Rest easy, you are not a hipster. But be on your guard, because as we have discussed previously, hipsterism is a cancerous and amorphous thing that may change its appearance at any time. You may not even know that it has its hooks in you until it’s too late.

If you answered mostly B: You are on a very slippery slope, my friend. However, with therapy and loosened pants, you may yet have a chance at a normal life.

If you answered mostly C: You are a hipster. This may come as a surprise to you, but not to anyone that has ever met you, talked to you, or even just seen you in passing. You are probably beyond help at this point, and will probably die at a young age in a fixed-gear bicycle accident in Silverlake or Williamsburg.


Almost certainly rode his “fixie” to the park that day, while drinking a sparks.

If you answered mostly D: Holy crap, you are a super hipster through and through. You probably have a secret knowledge of this already, though you most likely haven’t come out to your parents about it yet. Your record collection (you have a record collection) is positively dripping with irony, as is your carefully collected wardrobe of vintage scene wear. Your hair hangs limply over your eyes, threatening to catch fire in the embers of your Parliament cigarette. You are sexually ambiguous, yet probably not bisexual. You have hundreds of acquaintances but no actual friends, as your personality is an ever-changing Frankenstein’s monster made of Vice ads, NPR quotes and indie music blog reviews. Dov Charney is your JFK. Right now, you are reading this on your iPhone while drinking vodka from a clear plastic water bottle at a Justice concert.

What do I do if I am a hipster?

If you discover that you are, in fact, afflicted with the Hipster Immunodeficiency Virus, the first thing to remember is not to panic. You may feel tempted to tell your parents right away, but if you are the recipient of a monthly trust fund stipend (there is a 50% chance of this if you are a hipster) then it is probably in your best interest not to until you first receive treatment.


Hipsters on a safari or undercover social anthropologists?

Some popular methods of deprogramming hipsters range from listening to classic rock without a sense of irony, pants stretching, drinking whiskey instead of Sparks and watching television (hipsters all claim to not own a television, which we all know is a lie because they all own a Wii). Also recommended is shaving your beard/mustache/vagina and getting  a job.

How do I avoid becoming a victim of the hipster apocalypse in the future?

Reading this article is a good first step. Also, you should avoid any place of business in which there are ten or more visible fedora caps or any other strange type of hat (bowler, newsie, top hat, etc). Free vodka bars should also be avoided (it’s bottom shelf anyway, you’re not missing anything). Definitely stay away from any gathering of people that is wearing enough neon to be visible from space, as well as any concert in Silverlake or Echo Park that involves “old school hip-hop” where there is not a single ethnic minority within a ten block radius.

If all else fails, move to the midwest.

 
 

Meanwhile, On The Internet...

 
83 comments
  1. Dave says:

    this is the worst blog ever.

  2. Joseph Rose says:

    Seriously. Talk about some long-winded mindless bullshit.

  3. Skwerl says:

    fuck… i forgot. all our readers are hipsters.

  4. Passenger says:

    “fuck… i forgot. all our readers are hipsters.”

    Hahahaha. Yeah, nicely put :D .

    I’ve been pondering for so long what are does kind(s) of kids called. Thanks for clearing that one. This article is one of the main reasons i’ve been visiting this space for so long.

  5. Ezequiel says:

    I fucking hate hipsters, I really like Antiquiet, but this article sucks. A lot. It’s not funny at all.

  6. Matt from Philly says:

    HAHAHAHA!!

    Anyone that thought this article wasn’t funny is either humorless or indeed, a hipster. While I thank the good Lord that I’m not one of these fuckin’ LOSERS, (Yes! You are!), I felt the need to read the full breakdown about this group of wannabe everything.

    I really despise these kids. I want to taunt them at every chance because they have no identity of their own. In fact, I want to do that to any group that is fuckin’ fake. Why trudge through your life being something that you aren’t? Is it because your real life is total shit, so it’s better to become something else?!?

    The white-boy & girl “thugs” from the rich suburbs that bitch about having to drive the BMW, the other white-boy & girl “thugs” that are closer to the actual shit hole ghetto but, are still from a good neighborhood and family and try act tough.

    Then there’s the goths, especially the girls, that go out of their way to act weird and make themselves look unattractive and be moody for the sake of your costume.

    I can’t stand most of the “Gen Y” generation, so forget the fuckin’ “Millennials.” Those kids are truly fucked.

    The have shittiest parents that are too concerned about trying to be their best friend, buying their love with anything/everything and be cool, with the moms doing their damnedest to still look 25 and be considered a “milf.” An entire generation being raised by narcissists, with morals and values in the toilet and materialism at it’s apex.

    It’s no wonder our country is on the way out. None of these fuckin’ kids would know hard work (let alone do it) if their lives depended on it. Try working 12-14 hours a day for 6 days a week!! Have you ever heard of the phrase “Ya gotta do, what ya gotta do”???? And not from a fuckin’ movie or some dumbass rapper. I HATE YOU FUCKS!

    Instead of actually living your own life, you choose to live through the lives of celebrities and faux celebs that YOU have helped create. All of the whores from “The Hills” and Paris and that dirty Kardashian shank. The lame-ass boy bands, reality “stars”, the increasingly annoying emo “rock stars”, the pretty-boy actors that won’t last the end of this decade!!!
    I mean, THOSE are the people that are your fuckin’ role models?!?

    Couple that with the fact that all of you have NO BALLS. You don’t fight it out in school, you bottle it up like a pussy and then go in and break out the Uzi. And if you decide to put ‘em up, it’s a gang-like barrage, not one on one, because you’re afraid of losing. You have NO IDEA of what that means. And that terrifies the shit out of you.

    And that’s what it comes down to…..A GENERATION OF LOSERS. Not having the love at home, feeling isolated and unwanted, can’t talk to your parents because they actually don’t really care (too self-involved and pondering what to buy next), don’t know the value of a dollar, lazy and apathetic about LIFE – shrugging everything off with “whatevs”, dumbing down yourself and your peers by constantly texting each other – as a result, now you can’t spell or structure a coherent sentence to save your life, being so phony to one another and creating a new term “frienemies”, trying so damn hard to get people to like you because you have the newest everything, giving yourself sexually to get someone to like you while feeling empty and jaded at an unbelievably young age, the people that you idolize…..all of that adds up to a sad state of affairs. And I’ve barely scraped the surface.

    While I get pissed at the thought of all of that, as you can see from the above rant, I genuinely feel sorry for you. Probably because I grew up the complete opposite. It wasn’t “Leave it to Beaver” (God help you if you don’t know to what I’m referring) but, it certainly wasn’t the shit that you call a family, a life, love and happiness.

    If you are unhappy, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!! Be who you really are and discover what makes you special. Grow the fuck up and go grab life by the throat!!

    I can only promise that someday my kids will be closer to my upbringing, than yours. And if yours wasn’t so great, deal with it. Learn from your parents’ mistakes and your own and actively work to change for your kids’ sake in the future. Why put them through the same nonsense???

    Anyway, it was a good article Jeremy. I felt the need to vent here, I guess. Nah, not really. This crap is all around us and I won’t be happy until we enter a Depression and it becomes “survival of the fittest”, because then it’s really on. These kids won’t make it, so we can hit the reset button and take society to a better level.

    Take care,

    Matt

    • Razada says:

      I’m not a hipster. I actually found this trying to show my friend that she was one and she should shut the fuck up with her “I’m just artistic.” shit. Anyways I completely agree with everything stated. I cannot stand my own generation they all complain about the dumbest of things and I swear if I see another male in jeans that my skinny ass couldn’t get an ankle into I am jumping off of a bridge XD I am sick of all the trends and “bisexual” celebs with their eating disorders. Yeah we all have problems but seriously how are you complaining with your brand new car and iPhone? I’ll admit I am a “rich kid”. I’m more fortunate than most kids given the economy and yes my parents try to buy my love. But hey, at least I am not ignorant and can admit to being fortunate and not bitch when mommy and daddy got me a red mini Cooper instead of the black. A car’s a car. Adolescents should stop complaining. Complain to me when you’re starving in North Korea…

      I’m done ranting. XD

    • gjt says:

      A HA HA HA HAA HA HA GASP HA HA HAAAR you wrote all that

  7. bob loblaw says:

    Matt,

    I really agree with you. Whole-heartedly. Especially about the reset button. Let’s hope it comes to that.

    I actually am a Y Gen. kid and it really scares me when i look around and see people my age completely forsaking themselves for the sake of an image.

    I also believe, however, that some, and i mean some, of the music from my generation is very good and even important, even if the people that listen to it are misled about much.

    Sometimes I really try hard to hope for some authenticity. It is very discouraging though.

    It’s like it’s been a long journey to the middle and we are very very close.
    Where everything sounds and looks like everything else. We’ve varied and diversified and become so eclectic that there will soon be kids who will like everything, and have taste for really nothing.

    How bleak.

  8. PlayerHaterofTheYear says:

    Coolest article I’ve read all day, thank you sir. I live in Santa Cruz, CA which is INFESTED with these retards. TO ALL THE GUYS- Lowrise jeans look bad enough on a GIRL with no ass, so PLEASE pull up your pants. Too many girls here trying to look like a B grade Pat Benatar because they’re too young to remember how LAME the eighties actually were. Not to knock Pat, she was fine back in the day, I’m just sayin. Oh! and the SUPER hipsters are EVERYWHERE!! You know, the ones that find jocking the eighties to be “too played out” so they’ve regressed all the way back to early 20th century Hillbilly? That “O’ Brother Where Art Thou” shit needs to DIE, seriously. Yeah FUCK The Devil Makes Three and The Hackensaw Boys and any of the other bands that play that kinda shit. Oh well, at least the dumbass hipster girls are hotter than the late eighties/early nineties butt rock chicks with the acid wash mom jeans. Remember when Poison and Winger and Warrant and Cinderella were blowin up on MTV? Dudes looking like chicks because they SERIOUSLY thought it was cool? Yeah THAT shit sucked. I got a theory about these guys. See in the eighties the girly guys tried to look like post-op tranny versions of popular female porn stars cause that’s what the girls were into. Now all these hipster fucks remind me of she-male Wynona Riders. After Beetlejuice though, maybe the Girl Interrupted era Wynona when she went super emo. Hopefully they’ll all destroy themselves soon…

  9. luke ray says:

    but don’t they dress so cool?

  10. Wesley says:

    Now that was a good article.
    Funny, informative and a great perspective.
    Good work.

  11. Barack Obama the ‘ultimate’ hipster?

    I am certainly excited about what an Obama presidency will bring to our beleaguered nation. He is very articulate to be sure, and seemingly has the intellect and composure to be successful in the highest office of the most powerful nation on earth. However, I am a little skeptical about his level of experience, alleged ties to unsavory organizations and religious affiliations. I voted for him, primarily because of bitterness at the incompetence of the Bush administration. I remain disenfranchised with America so far in the 21st Century, and came across a political graphic that does a fairly good job in capturing this sentiment.

    http://www.cafepress.com/usa21stcentury

  12. junkyard says:

    I’m still waiting for some hipster to provide a compelling counterpoint to all this…

  13. Denisse says:

    I really liked this article….it was so funny. But I also liked Matt’s comment, you are so right about some things, but some other things were a bit too extreme for me. Anyway, I am a Gen Y and I really makes me feel sad to see the way most of my generation turned out to be. Seriously, most of these people have no idea of what live is really about. They only care about new things and everybody liking them…pretty sad if you ask me.
    I really think these people should put more effort in actually finding themselves and not the newest gadget…maybe that way they will stop being superficial and maybe, they become happier people.

  14. amy says:

    wow, creepy.
    you guys are in the states, i’m in australia, we have the same fucktards infesting our chunks of earth.
    i kinda feel good yet sad at the same time.
    good because i know i’m not alone in the world, we share the same hate.
    sad, because i’m starting to think there is no where to run.
    i’m up for starting an underground cult.
    literally underground.
    where jeans must not strangle balls, hair straighteners are banned and glasses are only for the visually disabled.
    … yes.

  15. JD says:

    Good article, dude. After living in Hipster ground Zero (Williamsburg, Brooklyn)) for 3 years, I can attest to these claims being universally true – just seems like Hipster culture has been on the radad in NYC for about 5 years now. Maybe it’s just coming around to LA… Not sure. Great article though!

  16. Justin says:

    That article was fucking awesome.

  17. PlayerHaterofTheYear says:

    I just realized!! From what I’ve seen (while pushing my way through PILES of these fucks in downtown Santa Cruz) one thing they definitely LOVE doing? TALKING SHIT ON OTHER HIPSTERS. So please take the “irony” of this article and go FUCK yourself, you hipster pile of SHIT. All you retards should move out of your “trendy” neighborhoods (Echo Park, various parts of Brooklyn/Manhattan etc…) and bring back the brown/black people who USED to live there, before greedy slumlords pushed them out after realizing YOU dipshits would pay exhorbitant rents just to say you lived in a shitty neighborhood. Seriously, Fuck You All. And I reiterate: Lowrise jeans look bad enough on a GIRL with no ass, so please, GUYS, for the love of God, Pull your pants up…

  18. Spinett says:

    I happen to live in Poland, where this whole ‘hipster’ thing mentioned above hasn’t developed yet. Though, I’m afraid that it will soon come out in Poland as well, I hope we will be able to find a cure for it as fast as possible, considering the experience we already have with the matter.
    Great article! That’s the way to deal with this shit, we ought to laugh at it! I know it’s not a laughing matter that they’re pollutting our world with their fake individualism. Every one of them tries to be cool, thinking how great they are for they are opposing mainstream. I don’t expect them to see through this paradox, but they ARE MAINSTREAM, there’s psychically abused child in everyone of them. We can’t blame them for trying to make themselves the shit, their parents should’ve prevented it, and now it’s too late to do anything about it. What awaits them is mass suicide, when they notice that they’re not cool individuals, but shitstream puppets on the contrary.

    The thing that caught my attention the most was ‘Question 2′ and the second answer B:

    ‘Look it up on Pitchfork to see if you are allowed to like it or not.’

    How pitiful it is that we’re afraid of having our OWN opinions, making our OWN decisions, and instead of showing our true selves, we try to blend in with the crowd.

    Matt, you could make a whole article with that comment alone :P I agree with the most, but there’s one misunderstanding. The goths, I mean the true ones, are not putting on sad faces and shit, I think that being a goth means not going out of your apartament in broad daylight, being nocturnal. It’s about black clothes and heavy make-up, but instead of pretending to be sad all the time, you are having fun with your friends and smile, I think that’s the cool thing about goths, they’re fun to be friends with not to mention girls, who dress elegantly, and scare people in public places.

  19. Quincy Burts says:

    Isn’t this somewhat ridiculous to write, though? Isn’t one of the main curses of a hipster the fact that he/she might not want to admit they are a hipster? Also, who would be on a website like this if they weren’t a hipster? This kind of cynical, preachy blog post has potential as a hipster haven.

  20. Ryan says:

    writing an anti-hipster article is pretty hip.

  21. asmtz says:

    pretty funny. but more than hipsters, I dislike stereotypes…

    I have a small record collection because I enjoy the sound of vinyls.
    I roll my own cigarrettes because I hate the smell of regular cigs but enjoy smoking from time to time.
    I’m thinking of getting a cheap fixed gear bike and put it together and paint it myself (work. something that hipsters are afraid of) for driving in the city because I don’t want to pay for a bus (expensive, stuffed with old people. better buy some beer instead) and have a mountain-bike for riding in the countryside.
    I buy the cheapest clothes I can get and I hate it when people buy them in bulks, label “authentic vintage” and sell for big money. And old cheap clothes look better than ridicoluous fashion trend clothing.
    I actually read books and don’t listen to radio or watch tv not because it’s so rebeliously “cool” but just because of loads of everyday average shit you get there.
    I don’t follow politics.
    My idea of work is like, making a table or a chair with my own hands. Really creating something, not pseudo-artistic bullshit.
    I enjoy existentialist and absurdist literature, history of rock music.

    so, I’m a hipster then., eh?
    those hipsters just care more about image than really doing their own thing. and what if “my thing” is the same in parts as their thing?
    hipster attitude = oh, no someone else is doing it. must. stop. must. be. original.
    normal attitude = fuck that, I’m doing my thing because I’m doing my thing and enjoying it.

    • Skwerl says:

      as long as you don’t like passion pit, we’re cool. ;)

    • seems like a nice cat to get a cup of coffee and have a conversation with.

    • Daniel says:

      Unfortunately for you, yes, you are a hipster! Reading Camus and Sartre just threw you to the lions here. And I’m guessing ASMTZ = A Silver Mt. Zion? Yikes. Sorry pal. You get thrown into the stereotype. But it’s all cool…I’m worse! I’m a marxist expat living in Europe teaching English who likes to write and study flamenco guitar! Yet, I didn’t score ‘super hipster’ on this test, so, it must be flawed or something. Plus, I’ve been straight edge my whole life.

      However, it’s always fun to pack a group of people into a nice box and point at them and say ‘glad we’re not them’ or ‘look what this tit is doing…what a tit! I hate him’. Granted, going into parts of Chicago I have to say: how boring. I know who this guy is targeting and yes, many of them are boring. Trying to have an intellectual conversation with them falls short. Many LOVE Salvador Dali…yet, very few know he supported the Franco and the Fascists (the same ones that killed his friend, lover, communist and Poet Frederico Garcia Lorca).

      What confuses me about you: you say you read existentialist literature, but you’re not into politics…why is that? Most existentialists were very political. Sartre was a communist. Camus, as far as I can tell, a Socialist.

      Oh well. Continue the rant everybody. You’re doing wonders.

    • CF FROM PR says:

      I liked the article.It’s nice to view peoples point of view on the whole “hipster”thing.
      I have to agree with asmtzon the stereotypes , i mean, now everybody that rides a bike ,wears glasses , is educated but has no actual money or has been illuminated by the fact that you have options in life is a hipster.
      Were i live :
      Real hipster is a stumbleuppon addicted colorful” artsy”person that does no art and use lots of money that they did not earn to buy unnecessary artifacts that will remind them how “not cool” they are.(i want to point out that like everything there are exceptions and variations and one should not generalize”.
      I guess what i’m trying to say that hipsters are just a “geeks that found how to feed their ego trough fashion”

    • Hipster, and proud. And not the trust fund- I’m too cool for this shit hipster. The old school jazz kind who reads Milton instead of Kerouac.

      • Rule #1 of hipsterdom: NEVER go around saying you’re a hipster. You’ve made it quite clear that you’re not one. People say we’re awful, a stain on society. Sure, whatever. I think the REAL societal stain are people who try too hard and claim to be “hipsters,” like Ms. Tenenbaum. Rot, plox.

    • Eva says:

      The main difference between a hipster and a real person who happens to be weird is that hipsters are basically doing things to appear different and special. They are the people at the show taking videos of the stage instead of dancing or singing along or trying to fight their way to the stage. They are the people who buy smiley face pancakes at Ihop in order to post photos of the pancake on instagram. If a hipster doesn’t eat meat, they will freak out if they eat a dish with an animal product in it not because they might get sick or believe they’ve compromised their principles, but because unknowingly eating meat makes them a hypocrite and they lose their vegan superpowers. They pretend they didn’t have a phase where they were like 15 and had a horrible haircut and did things that make them cringe now. They choose to like or dislike things based on what they think their ideal peer group would think of them, not based on what speaks to them.

      I wonder if this is all somehow because of Facebook. Everything you do will wind up on the internet anyway, so why not make your entire existence an extended, carefully curated profile. Pics or it didn’t happen.

  22. Kristen Ward says:

    I just spent the weekend in Williamsburg and I can’t stop laughing.

  23. Klavonsky says:

    My grandpa gave me his fedora when I was five years old. And I like it dammit. And I wipe my ass with Arcade Fire CDs.

  24. Jon Doe says:

    Funny article, but I gotta say almost NONE of those pictures are hipsters (as I know them) ..well maybe the d-bag with the stache in the first picture.. but thats about it

  25. AutumnParanoia says:

    Question: I have a couple of friends who fit a few “hipster” traits, such as taking a hell of a lot of pictures and drinking cheap vodka [though being students none of us can genuinely afford the expensive stuff, does that cancel it out?], as well as liking parties… quite a lot. However, they aren’t trying to “rebel” against anything, and I’ve persuaded them into listening to/liking some excellent non-hipster music such as Nine Inch Nails and Celldweller. Do I need to consider investing in deprogammisation therapy, or are they probably alright?

  26. Brent Jackson says:

    Yawn

  27. Jennifer says:

    I’m from southern CA recently moved to the east coast and had the whole hipster culture sort of thrust upon me. In the city where I’m from it really isn’t big, only a small group of kids I know fit into this group. Although when moving out here I realized just how much I fit into this label, which is so shitty because after all these years I actually had the audacity to think I had avoided being lumped into some stereotype, (obviously showing off my naiveté.) I feel like I’m still separate from this group though because I’m no trust fund baby; I was relatively privileged, I guess, I got a car in high school but it was a crappy dodge, 15 years old and had a tape deck. I buy most of my clothes at thrift stores because I like the quality and the look, I look for obscure music because its a good pastime, I read things by Chuck Palahniuk and the like because I enjoy the syntax, the language. If all this makes me a hipster then fuck it I’m a hipster but not because I think I’m better than anyone or any more clever I came about this organically despite what you might think.

  28. mcdo says:

    i dunno if i can post youtube videos here but if i can this relates directly to the hipster argument. hipsters are appearing everywhere & this video is a song about hipsters in england (although it just refers to them as dickheads). i came across it about 5 mins after reading this article. turns out the whole world has a problem with hipsters (with good reason of course).

  29. Travis says:

    Awesome article, hipsters are just awful people, halloween is this weekend and I am going out as a super hipster and going to a party at an arts school… I hope i offend alot of people! gonna be a good time

  30. CF FROM PR says:

    I liked the article.It’s nice to view peoples point of view on the whole “hipster”thing.
    I have to agree with asmtzon the stereotypes , i mean, now everybody that rides a bike ,wears glasses , is educated but has no actual money or has been illuminated by the fact that you actually learn at college is a hipster .
    I guess that i’m a hipster to :/
    Were i live :
    Real hipster is a stumbleuppon addicted colorful” artsy”person that does no art and use lots of money that they did not earn to buy unnecessary artifacts that will remind them how “not cool” they are.(i want to point out that like everything there are exceptions and variations and one should not generalize”.
    I guess what i’m trying to say that hipsters are just a “geeks that found how to feed their ego trough fashion”

  31. Chikken De Cheez says:

    Nice article, but keep yo’ greasy mitts off Chuck Palahniuk!!! He’s been around for fucking yonks, waaaay before this shit got trendy.

    • Chikken De Cheez says:

      I’d also like to add that the funniest thing here by far is how many people have totally failed to take this article with a grain of salt and instead taken it as free license to blurt out their own vitriol. I mean having a dig and taking the piss out of people who need to know they’re not immune to ridicule, sure! But acting like they should be sent to the gas chambers is just a bit fucked; surely we’d rather keep ‘em around for the easy comic relief opportunities they provide. Being A Dickhead’s Cool!!

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xzocvh60xBU

      ‘Nuff said.

  32. Syaza says:

    This is a fucking great article, and I can’t help but think about some of the hipster friends that I have right now. It’s funny, cause they always deny that they’re hipsters.

    P/S: THEY ARE.

    People who are affended by this, sorry to say this my friend, but you are, indeed a hipster.

  33. Tiffiny says:

    Hi. I’m Tiffiny, a recovering hipster.

    Thank God I’m I realized it before it was too late. hahaha. Sorry, but, my mom and dad don’t foot the bill for ANYthing, so I couldn’t keep up with the rich kids who try to look poor. I could have made it as a party photog, but I think there’s more to photography than a slow shutter and fancy flash.

    womp, womp. I have other things to do. Although I DO work for one of the 3 hipster-companies mentioned here, I’ve been working for them before, during, and after my hipsterdom. I’m there because of my skill, not bc of my image, thankfully.

    Oh crap. Junior Senior just came on my iTunes while writing this. GOTTA GO! jkjk

    Great article.

  34. bill says:

    If you write an article making fun of hipsters, you are probably a hipster. If you post to articles about how much you f-in hate hipsters, you are probably a frat boy.

  35. jeebus says:

    bump. I fucking love this article and send it to every hipster I can.

    if you bitch about this article you need new glasses.

  36. I have to saw that i adore this article and think the author’s shit does, in fact, smell like roses. If it were possible, and wouldn’t ruin my monitor, I would frame it in gold. The blog, not the rose-shit.

    My problem is that I am poor, and by virtue of being poor, sometimes am forced to make choices (typically sartorial) that have hipster undertones. For instance, when i buy a shirt at the Salvation Army, its because I only have $4, not because I wanted to be that additional step more ironic. I wear black frame glasses because they were the only ones my insurance would pay for in full. I listen to Prince because…well, because in my brains its still 1984, and Purple Rain still rocks. Ahem.

    Point being, other than launching into a rant about the fucked-ness of hipsters on a regular basis and when in public, how can I avoid being mistaken for one now that it has become cool to mimic the clothing choices of the poor?

    PS, I don’t like Pabst. This does help.

  37. Mac says:

    Get a fucking life people

  38. Madison says:

    waaaaa.

  39. John says:

    That was fun

  40. NdR says:

    I would love to join a co-ed wrestling team hahaha

  41. april 2011 update: the midwest has fallen to the hipster menace. our integrity is compromised. be aware, travelers.

  42. greg says:

    the first step to being a hipster is to hate hipsters.

    • Mike says:

      This may be the funniest and true-est blog I’ve ever read. Can’t help but feel sorry for the people who say this blog sucks because they’re most likely hipsters.

  43. Coldplayfan2032 says:

    All these comments are ironic replies from hipsters… be careful!

  44. some guy says:

    i think this only happens in america where the kids are too spoiled . .

    –PLEEEEASE don’t deny this and say something like “you f*ckin’ liar! ! kids in america aren’t all spoiled” . . i say to you “f*ck you” YES they are . .

    only in america do you see kids killing their parents over a PS3 or an Xbox 360 console, or beating them to death for not allowing them to hold a party . .

    the parents are too scared to scold their kids in fear of going to jail or separated from their kids . . so their children thinks that they own their parents instead of the other way around

    kids aren’t spanked for their own good unlike the old times, wherein that spanking is where respect for their elders come from

    parents thinks they can buy their child’s happiness and spoils them hard, because they don’t have time to actually raising them, –this is the problem of that “american INDEPENDENCE”, cutting connection from families is a must in america to show your independence, while this should not be, asians(all asians) keep their family ties closely because of so many advantages,

    1.) you have a support system, wherein should you fail or need something(financial or emotional support) your family is always there to help,

    2.) you have free babysitters 24/7, your parents could look after your children while you both work, you could save millions, plus, your children have great fun all day

    3.) it’s financially logical, why live as far away from your parents as possible, when you could have free dinner every night?? i’m not saying not getting your own place, maybe a driving distance to your parents would be great

    4.) the children wouldn’t feel like they are abandoned the whole day

    5.) old people teaches the most valuable of values so why not let them teach your children, plus children listen better to their grandparents

    why aren’t people protesting against that overly sensitive law in the US about child protection???–i said OVERLY SENSITIVE, so don’t go on saying stuff like, “children in your country are abused because you lack this, and you just want america to be like your country! !! FU” –in my country, there are government agencies against child abuse, but are just at the right amount of sensibility, scolding and spaking is allowed, it builds character and RESPECT FOR THE ELDERS . . we are taught to respect our elders, not “requested”

  45. Paco Siffredi says:

    I made the mistake of founding a now-famous track bike specialty shop about a decade ago. We had a decent used selecton. One day all these skateboarder kids started showing up, first one, then two, then eight, then twenty at a time. I knew something was wrong when they showed hey knew nothing about cycling, but we’re willing to pay top dollar for our oldest, most worn frames. …our oldest frames are rare handmade collectors items, really for diehard purists only. After spending some time with these kids, I found there was no interest in cycling, it was about drugs and looking cool. Ultimately, EVERYTHING to them was a fashion contest, as if their entire lives revolved around such superficiality as what they look like and other peoples reactions to that. Really saddening. The world is a far more interesting & exciting place than pop culture ever shows it to be, and all these kids are wasting their youth trapped within a tiny sliver of an ad campaign.

  46. Rob says:

    If everyone could fast-forward to their 40th birthday once they turned 15 this wouldnt be a problem. The video you view on your 40th birthday, of you when you were 15, would be enough to stop you from being a hipster.

    Then there would be no hipsters.

  47. Rizz says:

    Reading this after three years makes me realise I’m still living in a ‘hipster’ community. Gotta leave this town.

  48. Life is Lawlworthy says:

    I am a generation removed from the coal mines in Eastern Kentucky. My grandfather worked hard to get our asses out of their and start a decent life in the rust belt…So he didn’t have the best foresight, but I’m doing ok for myself thanks to his effort. Not sure many of the posters on here (even the ones complaining about posers that wear “low class” clothes) really know what poverty and busting your ass is about.
    That said, to wish for economic depression just to see people whose lifestyles you don’t approve of suffer for their ignorance and naivete is more backwards and pathetic by far than the poor aimless shits that complain about their middle to upper middle class upbringings. Get over it. There will always be people that piss you off or that you don’t understand. If in fact you possess more composure and fortitude, rise above it and show some grace.

  49. Mined says:

    I am a greasy metalhead so NO, i am no hipster. And I like this post a lot, dunno why, but I think it might helped me into clarifying to myself that I am not a FUCKING hipster. WHat a relief… No i go take a huge dump!

  50. Burt Reynolds is the Hipster Jesus.

  51. Chris says:

    Sometimes I feel dumb when I comment on an article that is four years old.

  52. Alex LeGolvan says:

    I am a hipster.

  53. mineli says:

    i’m surprised no one mentioned the irony in self-claimed hipsters giving in to the mainstream. not to menton their carefully put together, deliberately careless look. hipsters now days really defeat the original purpose of hipsterdom. it truly only is a stigma.

  54. helvetica says:

    wooooowww……. i read all the comments!! :)

  55. [...] Here is a quick test to see if you, too, have been afflicted with this terrible social plague, which infects roughly 12 million Americans each year: How Do I Know If I’m a Hipster? [...]

  56. Joshy washy toshy says:

    I stopped being a hipster before stop being a hipster was cool.

  57. Crocs4life says:

    Badminton is literally the only sport I can do without ripping my tight crop pants and getting mud on my band tee while having my yarn-wrapped earbuds in and taking group selfies on my polaroid camera.

  58. Lizzy says:

    apparently i’m 100% hipster, well that explains why i went off Imagine Dragons once they got real famous. And that i only shop for clothes at TKMAxx and charity shops.

  59. Lizzy says:

    then you only hate yourself, everyone has a little hipster in them, otherwise we might aswell rename the human race to preppy sheeps

  60. Full blown retarded says:

    Saying that the word hipster is as offensive as the N-words makes me offended. The writer of this article doesnt know a thing about history and the origin and use of the “N-word”.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Connect with Facebook

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>